The audio recording above is only an excerpt from this entire chapter.

 

Chapter Twenty-Six
The Trinity

​

“Why did you study biochemistry?” Kai asks with interest while we walk through a dense part of the forest on our way to a lake. This morning we got up at 5:00 a.m., on Kai’s request, to go hiking. He said we had a class at sunrise, and the lake we are going to visit is a two-hour walk.
“I am not entirely sure. I guess I have always been good with exact sciences. My mother taught me to look at life through logic. Most Swedes and Danish are quite logical people, well, except for my grandfather, perhaps. My mother is exceptionally rational. In some ways, she’s a chemist. She is an absolutely amazing cook and treats the kitchen like a laboratory. In my eyes, everything she does there has to do with science. She experiments with natural elements, she works with heat diffusion, and she changes existing recipes when they don’t work out for her. That is exactly what I do for work, just on a different level. I guess I chose biochemistry because it gives me the feeling that I can change people’s lives. A part of me dreams about inventing cures for life-threatening diseases.” I smile shyly.
“But what is it about working on a molecular level that intrigues you? You could have studied medicine and become a doctor to help people. Why biochemistry? I hope you don’t mind me asking. I’m try to understand how you think.”
“Don’t you already know what I think?” I grimace.
“I’m still waiting for you to give me permission to read you mind.”
“Which you won’t get.”
“Okay, then you have to explain it. Why the molecular level?”
“Okay… Well, ultimately, I think breaking things down into tiny particles makes life simpler for me. Einstein once said: ‘If you can’t explain something simply, you don’t understand it well enough.’ Biochemistry makes me understand the world by working with its building blocks, which simplifies existence for me. With the building blocks, I create new things. I guess it gives me the illusion that I have control. And it makes me feel inventive.”
I look at Kai to see if he understands. He nods slowly.
“What about transmutation?”
“What do you mean?”
“Changing elements from one into the other.”
“By combining them?”
“No, by willing them to.”
“That’s alchemy. Not chemistry.” 
“You don’t do this?”
“Of course not. Alchemy is an invention of the occult. It’s believing in magic.”
“Did you know that Einstein also said, ‘Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you anywhere’? Einstein was not afraid to use the world of imagination, even though he was a man of science.”
“Do you think I’ve lost my imagination?”
“No. I don’t think you have. I also don’t think the collective has lost its imagination. I think it has lost the confidence to go to the extremities of imagination.”
“Perhaps… Though, I think I can go pretty far. I enjoyed your show, didn’t I? But a part of me does want to explain everything scientifically. And I can’t. Perhaps I have lost my ability to see beyond my limitations.”
“A lot of people have lost the desire to look beyond the limitations because it hasn’t been done for a very long time. And that’s why today we are going to take a look at archetypes. Archetypes will help you identify your limitations.”
“Archetypes? Invented by Carl Jung?”
“Archetypes were not invented by Carl Jung. They were recognized by Carl Jung. Archetypes are woven through the fabric of the world. I will explain it in more detail once we reach the lake. I can make things more visual for you.”
I look ahead of us. There’s nothing but the shadows of trees, but in the distance, the dawn is slowly pushing back the strong grasp of the night. Soon, the first rays of sunlight will illuminate our day. This is my favorite time. In Minneapolis, I love riding my bike to the laboratory early in the morning.
After half an hour, I catch the glimpse of a small, quiet lake. Clouds of mist drift over the smooth glass-like surface of the water of which the extremities are frozen. The edges are covered with a layer of snow.
“It’s beautiful,” I gasp.
“Soon, the sun will be strong enough to dissolve these wandering mists,” Kai whispers. “We are just in time.”
The fog muffles all the sounds around us, and I realize I haven’t experienced this kind of silence in a long time. After passing the last trees, we reach the edges of the lake.
“How did you know this water was here?”
“I didn’t, I assumed it was. I could tell by the trees, the grounds, and the behavior of the birds.”
Near the edge of the lake, Kai spreads out a quilt he brought with him. “Not good to get our behinds all cold and wet.” He smiles gracefully. I drop down and the snow underneath the quilt catches me softly. As I sit, I realize how exhausted I am after the long hike, which reminds me that I haven’t done any exercise in the last few months. The work at the laboratory had swallowed me completely during my last project. I loved it, but it has taken its toll on my health.
Kai plunks himself next to me and softly grabs both my hands in his. Layers of wool prevent our skin from touching. Damn those mittens. Kai looks at me with a wry glance and smiles.
“Close your eyes, Naran.” he demands friendlily. I do as he asks, and suddenly, I feel a cold, humid breeze sweep around my body. My skin responds instantly and tightens so the small hairs of my skin stand up immediately to save any bit of body heat they can.
Where does this sudden cold breeze come from? When I open one eye, I see how the thick fog cloud over the water has moved in our direction. A damp, cold blanket of mist surrounds us entirely. With my one open eye, I vaguely see Kai making movements with his hands in the fog.
He looks at me, and I quickly close my eye again.
“You are so curious, Naran.”
I smile and keep my eyes closed.
All of a sudden, a strong gust of wind pulls at the fabric of my coat and my hair, and the cold air moves around my body and over my skin. My muscles cramp together, and I shiver. I clasp my arms around my upper body and pull the hood of my coat over my head while keeping my eyes closed. A strange sensation is happening in my body. The wind moves not only around me but goes straight through my chest and stomach and touches all my organs and then it moves to my extremities, from the inside out. I start to shake uncontrollably, but still, I don’t open my eyes. I sit quietly and wait for what comes. Time passes but I have no idea how long. It feels like minutes, hours, maybe. Right at the point where I think I will never feel warm again, something changes.
A sudden heat starts to burn in my chest; my stiffened body slowly realizes it can relax. Kai has put his hand on my back. The heat that comes from it feels like a warm ball of fire that spreads from my chest throughout the rest of my body. I stop shivering. When Kai removes his hand, I let my arms fall down my side. With my eyes closed, it feels like I’m sitting in the warm summer sun as it strokes my skin with its rays of heat. Then, Kai breaks our silence and speaks with a firm voice.
“Open your eyes, please.” He sounds more serious now. The breeze is gone but the mist still surrounds our bodies; I can hardly even see Kai. Suddenly, right in front of us, the wall of mist breaks open, and lets us see all the way to the middle of the lake.
I peer at Kai, who seems calm as always. His eyes are focused on the surface of the water. A choir of eerie voices singing travels, in our direction from the other side of the lake, making the scenery feel extremely unearthly. On the surface of the lake, bubbles become visible, indicating movement in the water. An instant later, a small fountain surfaces unexpectedly. The plume of water grows, and once it has reached the height of a human-sized body, the water drops, and a human figure lingers behind, floating in the middle of the lake. I cannot yet see what the figure looks like, since a cloud of fog has wrapped itself around its shape.
“Naran, what you see in front of us is an archetype represented in human form.”
The singing voices fade, and it is completely silent now.
“Archetypes serve as mirrors for the human experience. They are woven through our existence in every aspect. In fact, many written and told stories of this earth are based on the models we call archetypes; they are collective universal patterns that surface in all aspects of life. Archetypes form the foundation of mythologies, legends, religions, and even fairy tales, by revealing themselves as characters, themes, ideas, and evolutionary developments. Ancient Greeks talked about archetypes in the form of the gods in their stories.”
“I am not sure I understand the ‘archetype’ yet. I remember it had something to do with the collective unconscious.”
“You don’t have to understand it immediately. What I am going to show you today is a rather complex idea. Making it visible will be our first step of the journey to uncovering archetypes. Once you get more familiar with the symbolic language of archetypes, you will start to recognize them yourself. Archetypes are subconscious human patterns. When you start to recognize the patterns of this world, you will create new choices for yourself and for others. When you understand the message in different situations, you can break those patterns.”
“We are living in patterns?”
“Yes. On every level. Nature is full of patterns. Have you ever looked at the lines in the sand of a desert, the shapes on a leopard’s skin, the stripes of a zebra, a river and its arms, the veins in a leaf, seashells, or even a simple broccoli? Nature consists of infinite patterns. And so do you, both your psyche and your body. So, the answer is yes. Humanity follows a pattern. But we can also deviate from patterns. Making yourself aware of their existence can help you navigate through life, and also through your own soul.”
“What kind of patterns?”
“That is for you to find out, Naran. You will learn to read the symbolic language of the archetypes by researching them. You will have to read into situations and identify the patterns. This will enable you to predict where things are going in your world, to a certain extent at least.”
“It sounds complex.”
“You said you like to break down reality into particles. That is what I will be teaching you, but on a different scale. Seeing the archetypes in life is to break down reality.”
“I do like to take things apart, as long as I know what I am looking at.”
“And that is why we are here today. We will look at the psychological molecules that
make up the elements of our collective minds.”
I smile. Phrased like this, I must admit it sounds like a fun challenge.
“Okay,” Kai continues, “the first important thing to know about archetypes is they are neutral in value. Once the judgment of positive or negative is removed from the archetype, you can really see what is in front of you. Archetypes, in fact, have it all. They possess positive, negative, and neutral aspects. They are not good or bad. They just are. Before an archetype is recognized in a person or situation, options on how to view a situation may seem limited. When you recognize the archetypes in your life, you can look for the educational message in situations, and this can open the situation to a very different interpretation. There is always a ‘moral’ to an archetypical story. There is also always a moral to our life stories. It is for you to figure out what the moral is. And the archetypes help.”
Kai stares into the distance across the lake where the veils of fog around the human figure are slowly disappearing. It’s a woman standing in a gigantic shell. Apart from a golden chain wrapped around her waist, the woman is entirely naked, and she’s extremely beautiful. Her lips are full and curved, her face is oval with high cheekbones. She has olive-colored skin and a dark complexion. Below her black eyebrows, brown eyes pierce through the fog. Long, thick, curly black hair prides over her shoulders and drops down to her waist. The woman looks full, healthy, and happy, with wide hips, beautifully curved thighs, full breasts, and broad shoulders. When the lady smiles at us, she reveals a row of perfect white teeth. Her posture is proud and strong.
“Venus…” I whisper. I know I am correct because once I said the name out loud, a sense of recognition flickers through me. “It feels as if I have seen her before…”
“Yes,” Kai confirms, “the archetype of Venus. This image stems from an ancient Egyptian goddess who existed before written time. The ‘Venus’ archetype comes from Roman times, but she appears over, and over again, throughout our entire history, in different shapes and forms. We know Venus, Aphrodite, Cytherea, Aurora, Ushas, and Hathor, and these are all embodiments of the same archetype. Every society has their Aphrodite, their Venus, their seductress. Venus is the goddess of sexuality, persuasiveness, beauty, elegance, and romantic love.”
“I know her most from the Botticelli painting of the Roman goddess, Venus.”
“Yes, indeed. That’s why she’s showing herself to you in a shell. But, in Botticelli’s painting, Venus is portrayed as rather timid and mysterious. She hides her genital area and her breasts. In that painting, Venus is not the sexual, brazen splendor she was in Greek mythology, where she was called Aphrodite. The Botticelli Venus hides the strong honest, sexual, and fertile power of Aphrodite and transforms it into an indirect mystic attraction. Venus provokes the desires for the hidden beauty. The interesting thing about archetypes is that they conform to the epoch they appear in. In the times of the Renaissance, the time of Botticelli, nudity was not an easy subject. The church had a strong hold on society and full nudity was heavily condemned. In those times, hidden sexual desire and mystery were part of this goddess’s glory. Venus was a mysterious, yet still a very sensual goddess. But today, before us, stands Aphrodite.”
I nod and look at the beautiful woman.
“She’s the glorious power of sexuality and fertility. She doesn’t hide her power, nor is she timid. She is the female in her full glory. She is powerful, she is the symbol of giving life.”
Suddenly, the woman in the water touches her chest and circles her left hand over her breasts. Then she slides her other hand down to the midsection of her body and lays her hand on her womb. Uncomfortably, I shift my legs and move into a different position. I didn’t expect this at all.
“In Didelis, we have our own deity of sexuality and fertility,” Kai continues. He is entirely unaffected by the woman’s actions. “She is called Iluriah. She is powerful, acts free from shame, and expresses herself however she wants. She is not intimidated by the male force, nor suppressed by it. She is the female archetype that you rarely see in your world now.”
“How many archetypes are there?”
“Many. Today I chose Aphrodite because she’s the giver of life.” Kai smiles and looks across the water where Aphrodite is smiling back at him. Her expression is curious and full of desire. She opens her mouth slowly as if she is breathing deeply and more excitedly. Kai is amused. I witness how they play a game of seduction and pleasure. A sting of jealousy shoots through my stomach.
“Well, one hell of an archetype to present!” I snap at Kai. “And if I remember correctly, the idea of archetypes being the collective unconscious is rejected by modern rationalists. They taught me this at school.”
“Are you a modern rationalist, Naran?” Kai looks entertained.
“I am a scientist.” My tone is sharp. I have no idea why I feel so offended. “We don’t know if archetypes are really collective patterns. This is just a theory, an invention of the mind. You can’t measure or prove archetypes. Then what value do they have?”
“Everything you see is an invention of the mind.” Kai smiles as he decodes my expression. “You sound defensive. What do you feel?”
I look down. “I don’t know…”
“Sure you must be feeling something, Naran? Be really honest with yourself, and with me.”
“I don’t like these classes of yours, Kai. They’re weird,” I say while I give him a disapproving look. “First, you have me face a wild wolf, which, may I add, could have killed me. Now you are talking about shameless sexuality while you are flirting with a naked woman, right in front of me.”
Kai restrains a smile. “So you feel jealous?”
“I don’t know. Well, yes…I guess.” I feel I am starting to blush. This is strange to admit.
“I am interested in you telling me exactly what you feel. Try,” Kai encourages.
I glance at the lake and groan.
“I think I might be jealous, and more so, uncomfortable, but I don’t know exactly. I feel inferior because she seems so comfortable with herself, and so do you. At the same time, I also feel admiration for this woman; she is so beautiful and powerful. I know I could never be like her. And I don’t like you looking at her in that way, since you don’t look at me in the same way. I know I am not as sensual as she is; I’m awkward. She makes me feel less attractive.” I am grudgingly honest now. “And when she touches herself, I feel very confused. It is beautiful, but I also feel ashamed for watching. Kai, I thought the lessons would be about magic. Instead, I feel uncomfortable and scared all the time.”
“Good!” Kai nods. “First of all, I am sorry you had expectations about our classes I cannot fulfill. I never told you things would be easy or predictable. Everything you are going through during your time here is part of understanding your own inner world and your most subtle emotions. When you feel uncomfortable, scared, and confronted, helpless even, you learn the most.”
“But you still haven’t told me why me. Why I’m here.”
“No, we haven’t. That’s where you need to trust us. And be honest, Naran, is this beautiful lady in front of us much different from all nude women everywhere in magazines and on the internet in your world? You have seen sensuality before, and often not in a very sacred setting.”
“Yes... True. Nudity and sex are very common in my world.”
“I feel the ambiguity in you. This ambiguity also rules your society. You feel guilt and shame while you are enjoying sensuality and the sexual charge.”
“Yes, it makes me feel uncomfortable.” I answer. “I’m not used to showing sensuality and lust openly the way you and she just did. Normally it’s on a screen. Plus, I haven’t had a partner for quite a while.”
Kai is not affected by this honesty. It’s almost as if he expects it.
“Would you like to be more open?”
“Sure, I would like to be like her…confident.”
“Aphrodite is the archetype of sexuality, and that’s why you respond so intensely. It’s a sensitive topic for you. Archetypes stir deep emotions in us; they trigger recognition and our desires. Archetypes are the exaggerated version of what we look for in ourselves.”
“But why do I feel jealousy?”
“Because you are afraid. You fear that she has something you can’t have. Jealousy is one of humanity’s strongest emotions and one of the hardest to control. Remember what Idum did? She gave in to jealousy when she saw you. And Idum is trained to catch her emotional outbursts. Jealousy can have a life of its own, but only if you allow it to grow. Dealing with jealousy is a great personal and internal challenge and an excellent lesson for growth.” Suddenly Kai looks at me and smiles.
“And it means you like me.”
I can’t believe he just said that… I try to smile, but it is unconvincing. I feel exposed.
“It’s okay, Naran. I like you too, as Duk pointed out. It is important to acknowledge that the women in this world are your allies, not your enemies or your competition. That is what Idum is struggling with now. Women are more powerful together than alone. You need each other, especially in your world, to oppose the male dominance you live amongst. In your world, male dominance has tried to eradicate female power for centuries now. But the female force can never be erased. She is the giver of life. When she is suppressed, society shifts out of balance. Your society is out of balance. Sexuality in your world doesn’t border the sacred, but the obscene. Fertility and sexuality are no longer in a healthy relationship with one another.”
I nod. “Porn and obscenity are very common,” I say.
“Amongst other things… You see the same archetypes in your stories, but their characteristics have adapted to your society. The ways in which the old myths are approached change throughout time. And with the changing of stories, the human collective psyche slowly changes too. These two are intrinsically connected and influence each other. Pay attention to the stories around you, identify the archetypes, and you will understand a lot about the way your world thinks.”
Kai speaks slowly while he looks at Aphrodite. Suddenly, the water stirs again and forms two large fountains on Aphrodite’s left and right sides. When the water drops, two women materialize; they are equally naked and stunningly beautiful. The red hair of the woman on the left is braided upward and pinned to the back of her head. She looks more fragile than the other two. She is slender, has fair, porcelain skin and her breasts are small and rosy. Her long slim legs end in an uncovered pubic area, that is fully grown with curly red hair.
On the right, stands a woman with wild wavy black hair. She is slightly smaller than Aphrodite, has strong legs, a full belly, her skin is dark, and her eyes are a light-brown color. Her small breasts have little dark, round nipples. On her face, a playful smile appears. The three women smile brightly and embrace each other. Then they all look our way. 
“These women are early Greek goddesses,” Kai explains. “Together, these three form a powerful trinity and complement each other. The three of them have their roots in very ancient and long extinct gender egalitarian societies. On the left is the Greek goddess Charites, and Aidos is standing on the right side. These goddesses existed together with Aphrodite in Greek myths. The goddesses held an equal position to the gods. But when the Greek empire evolved, it developed into a patriarchal culture, and gradually less attention was given to these ancient goddesses. While the famous Olympian gods transformed into superheroes, the goddesses were pushed to the background and only a few kept their status of importance. In the last days of the Greek empire, the Trinity was separated; Aphrodite became the solo seductress and Charites and Aidos her insignificant servants. Charites and Aidos were almost entirely forgotten and so were their qualities. Aphrodite’s position remained relevant, but her powers were severely compromised since she depended on Charites and Aidos for their complementary characteristics. Today, it is hard to find anything about these goddesses in Greek literature; some parts of history are so well hidden that they have been practically forgotten.”
I stare at the three women. My defensiveness has dropped, and I observe them carefully. They look gracefully in our direction while floating over the water in the shell.
“They look strong, inviting, beautiful, and very open,” I observe.
“As I said, you can identify a society by paying attention to their archetypes. In the case of your society, recognizing the absence of a certain archetype is just as important.”
“But how will I know about the absence of an archetype if nothing is written about it?”
“That is indeed a problem.”
“Are Charites and Aidos important in Didelian mythology?”
“Absolutely, this trinity still exists in our stories and myths. They are given different names, of course.”
“What are the characteristics of Charites and Aidos?”
“First we need to know more about Aphrodite.”
Kai looks at the women, and Aphrodite bows her head lightly in our direction. Her eyes remain fixated on us as she curtsies elegantly. Then she steps forward and once again presents us with her seductive smile. I see Kai staring back at her. The expression on his face is unaltered, but I can tell their eyes are playing a game of lust and desire. Instantly, my jealousy reappears. I don’t even fight it this time.
“Aphrodite is the seductress of the world. She awakens love in both people and nature. Sexuality, to her, is life. Her main authorities are creation, sensuality, beauty, warmth, fertility, and lust. Aphrodite has no understanding of shame, nor does she need to. She has Charites and Aidos to protect her.”
The charismatic woman in the middle throws her shoulders back, presses her chest and uncovered bosom forward, moves her hips sensually from left to right, and opens her mouth slightly while the two women behind her gently stroke her hair, neck, and shoulders. Aidos lifts Aphrodite’s long curls and kisses her softly on the nape of her neck.
I move uncomfortably again. I feel awkward at the sight of the three women touching each other, and yet, I am intrigued and want to see more.
From behind, Kai slowly grabs my neck and starts massaging it. I freeze to the ground. So many feelings now. And so many I am not used to. Kai’s touch charges me intensely; I feel nervous and stimulated while my jealousy still stings. My head feels light, and my body is burning hot.
“Aphrodite rules the hearts of both the mortals and gods,” Kai whispers in my ear. “Her words are powerful, gentle, fine, and persuasive, and her love is never forced. Resisting Aphrodite is close to impossible, and her persuasion sometimes leads to actions that later seem incomprehensible to the persuaded ones. She is able to open one’s mind to receive full pleasure. Intoxicated minds under her influence can come up with eccentric fantasies that may be experienced as liberating.” Kai slides his hand up over my neck and cups my head with both hands.
“Oh…” I gasp. I wonder if these women are enchanting me right now. Or is Kai the one intoxicating me?
“As I said,” Kai continues to whisper in my ear, “in Aphrodite’s world, there is no shame. Sexual creation is considered divine. This creative sexual power once ruled the world, and humans felt no embarrassment when it came to sex. But to make this a shameless experience, Aphrodite doesn’t work alone; she needs her two accomplices.”
In that moment, Charites moves forward and bows lightly.
“Charites stands for beauty in its true natural form. Her seductive powers are based on the application of natural essences. She personifies natural beauty, cleanliness, and the power of the unaltered and fully accepted female body. Seduction by using the basic elements of nature, is the most powerful and most effective type of seduction. Charites’ expertise is seduction through purity. She views cleanliness as one of the most important values. She garnishes her beauty with flowers, oils, and soap.”
Charites turns in a little circle, and I notice how small flowers are woven through her braided hair. A wonderful fragrance flows through the air. Then she takes a small step back, and Aidos bows this time while stepping forward.
“Aidos is a modest presence and moves with much dignity. She deals with the sensibility behind arousal and sexual energy. She guards the secrecy and privacy around sexuality. Discretion is essential in a society where shame is unknown. And discretion is what separates humans from animals. Secluding the sexual act from sight by designating a sacred space for the participants, honors the desire for having uninterrupted dedication and depth. It’s a sign of human and sacred sexuality.” Aidos bows deeply, and steps back.
Now all ladies stand in line again, and together, they form a visibly powerful force.
“Combining the powers of Aidos, Charites, and Aphrodite creates the healthiest, most respected, and most powerful sensual seduction that we know,” Kai says. Suddenly, Aidos and Charites freeze. Their eyes are wide open; they don’t blink and have an empty expression. They look like wax dolls.
“Moving Aidos and Charites to the background, where they eventually got lost, created imbalance and an unhealthy sexual perception. By breaking the Trinity, the balanced view on sexuality stagnated and the perception of an entire civilization was altered; sexuality was condemned and blown out of proportion. Today’s sexual archetypes are extremely simplified and minimized; they are often vulgar versions of what once used to be.”
Only Aphrodite is moving now, and it makes me feel strange.
“I don’t understand… Why did the archetypes have to disappear?”
“It happened after the humans distanced themselves from the Worden, of whom you will hear more. Ruling and controlling became more important than fertility and balance, almost in every civilization. The main conversations weren’t about keeping societies fertile and healthy. They started to evolve around power, possession, status, and the question of who dominated.”
“But why suppress Aidos and Charites, why condemn sexual energy?”
“To a shifting society that moves from egalitarianism to patriarchy, the Trinity was threatening. Dominant male rulers had to break the alliance. You see, if you are disconnected from your creative energy, your deepest power is blocked. When the sexual balance is off, the individual loses the power to connect to higher levels of consciousness. Then an individual is easier to control, to suppress, to be hushed. Healthy sexual energy is not just helpful to an individual, it is required in order to have magical experiences. Healthy applied sexual energy is more powerful than anything on this planet. As you can imagine, this makes our Trinity ultimately powerful since they seduce people to use their own powers; to use the energy of creation. People become powerless when off balance. So balanced sexual energy is partially what your training here will focus on. We need to restore your power.”
Confused, I look at Kai. Again, something I didn’t expect.
“Sounds uncomfortable,” I sigh.
“Suppressing and dividing the Trinity was a very powerful tool to weaken the sexual powers, and especially, the female power. By adding shame to sexuality, like many religions do, sexuality was crushed and minimized into a genital power struggle. You’ll need to untangle yourself from these beliefs. You will never be able to live to your full potential, unless you accept yourself as a free, healthy, sexual being, fostering sexual energy with values based on the Trinity’s principles. You can’t condemn your own sexuality. The reason I showed you these archetypes is not only because they are my favorites; it is essential for you to understand and master the concept of the Trinity. You will have to live by their principles to become fully powerful.”
I look down. I think I understand what Kai means. But inside my body, fear rises. It crawls up from my stomach to my chest and presses on my shoulders. Is my fear of connection, closeness, and sexuality really societal?
As if he were hearing me, Kai says:
“It is not just you, it’s your culture. Your society is sexually confused. But even though your culture is still quite imbalanced, sexual liberation is in progress. But the legacy of shame around sex is not easy to transform. Your subconscious psyche embraces healthy sexuality; your desire for closeness is written in your DNA, but your heritage of thousands of years of shaming sexuality runs deeply through the collective subconscious.”
“Are you, as a Didelian, afraid of physical closeness?”
“No. However, I am afraid of something else…”
“What is it?” I ask curiously.
“Later… let’s not get off this topic. Naran, tell me, what about yourself do you think is beautiful?”
“Oh, well…” I hadn’t seen this question coming. “Ehm… I guess I like my hair...especially when it rains. It gets kind of wavy.”
“Okay, and what about yourself do you like that is sensual?”
Suddenly I feel really nervous. “Oh, I don’t really know. I mean, I never thought about that.”
“Of course you have. Have you never seduced anyone?”
“No… And even if I had, I’d rather not discuss this with you. It’s private.”
In the distance, Aidos and Charites seem to have defrosted. The three women are looking in our direction. The two giggle and move slowly and sensually around Aphrodite.
“What do you feel, Naran?”
“I feel nervous, vulnerable.”
“Good. Vulnerability is good.”
Suddenly, Kai puts his hand on my shoulder. The familiar warmth flows through me, but it feels a bit different; it is not the flow of relaxation that I felt before. Instead, I feel stimulated and very awake. My awkwardness disappears, and torrents of heat rush through my body. The touch of Kai’s hand is now not only consoling but also exciting in a way I haven’t felt before. All my bottled-up desires for Kai suddenly seem to burst loose and float freely through my body. I allow it. I feel Kai’s warm breath on my neck, and goose bumps appear all over my skin.
“What do you feel, Naran?”
I look to the left and stare him in the eyes.
“I feel really warm.” I smile.
Kai moves his head to my ear and whispers softly: “Exactly. Now, what about yourself do you like that is sensual?”
I stare across the lake; the women playfully await my answer.
“I like my hipbones. I like how they stick out and catch the edge of my pants when they drop low. I love it when a part of my lower belly is visible and men look at it.” Suddenly I chuckle. “Kai! I feel no inhibitions at all!” I exhale deeply, while relief flows over my lips.
Kai looks happily in my direction. “Yes, I’m removing your sense of shame. And with practice, you can do this yourself.”
“It feels so…light.”
With those words, Kai takes his hand off my shoulder, and instantly I feel different; resistance creeps all over me and shame returns. I look at the ground and try to figure out what just happened.
Around us the wind picks up and the fog starts to move. In an instant, our sight is entirely obscured, and I can no longer see the women or the lake. The cold takes over, and I start to shiver. Kai is close; I can feel his warmth behind me, but I do not see him. For a while, the fog drifts around us. The eerie voices return, and soft chanting melodies flow over the now mist-covered water.
“Close your eyes,” Kai whispers through the fog, and I do as I am told.
After some time of heavy winds and incredible cold, I feel faint sunrays on my face. This warmth feels like the winter sun, and there is no more inner heat.
I feel Kai’s hand on my neck. “You can open your eyes now,” he says softly. He sounds as if he just woke up from a deep dream.
The voices have faded, and the fog is gone; the entire lake is visible. A pale morning sun reflects on the surface of the water. Aphrodite, Charites, and Aidos are nowhere to be seen. Nothing about this serene morning landscape reveals that any of our experiences of the last hour actually happened.